Tomatoes

James McClure:

So now that I've looked it up I know that tomatoes are not only fruits, but they are also berries (not berries: blackberries, raspberries, strawberries, and mulberries). Vegetables are all of the edible plant parts (fairly self explanatory - the edible vegetative portions of plants). We have that Supreme Court Case that is interesting http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nix_v._Hedden . I think that it is fairly obvious that the court was not going to rule against the tax. If it were a fruit tax (vegetables exempt), I can't imagine that the case would have been taken on appeal. If it were it would have probably been two lines: "The tomato is a fruit. It is clearly subject to this properly assessed tax."

In general we have most of the information necessary to put this article together. Maybe we need a rotten tomato video, or a quick salsa or sauce recipe to link/reproduce, but most of the meat is here.

How do we start one of these topics? Do we need to write fictitious messages to start the chain? It won't be very interesting if I blast out 500 words about the entire topic. So, where to now?

Frank Leyland:

Here are the issues I see.

1. I totally agree that brevity within any individual email is key. This should read as a conversation, not dueling diatribes.
2. This issue is kind of dead in the water because we already know the answer. We need topics that either A: doesn't have a definitive answer, or B. have definitive answers that we don't know (this leads to an argument followed by a solution brought to us by "The Google")
3. This particular topic could fit into one of your small running segments titled "Functional Definitions" where we explain differences between calzones and stromboli or fruits and veggies.

James McClure:

This one has a lot of great side info that could float around the primary topic in little side boxes.For example:

Heirloom tomato varieties and histories.

Tomato salsa recipes.

Gazpacho, history and a suggested plating.

berries, and not berries.

best available YouTube video for tomato.

Common tomato pests and diseases.

I'm sure that there are others. I think that this could be the successful format. Center article you and I discussing the classification of tomato as a fruit/vegetable/berry, and the related info to that, with basically "related links" around the perimeter. So that there is a whole bunch of bs factoids floating out there. I think that our arguments are plagued by a lot of that, but if we try to inject that into the meat of the article the point of the article will be lost. (the berry/not berry is a good example of this)

Frank Leyland:

Dude, we cannot possibly have an entire periodical about tomatoes. No one cares that much about tomatoes, not even H.J. Heinz. What is the primary topic anyways? Are tomatoes fruits or veggies? Who cares? They taste like shit unless soaked in vinegar or sugar, smashed, thickened, and placed on top of bread and a ton of melted cheese. We need to discuss real issues like which one of the Olsen twins is the F-ed up one? (seriously, I can't tell them apart), or where does curling rank on the list of best beer drinking sports?

James McClure:

1. I think that both Olsen twins are F-ed up. Why can't they just be hot and have successful careers?Seems like there is a lot of wasted potential there.
2. Heinz cares plenty. I'm pretty sure that they have their own tomato breeding program. Come on, they're whole corporate identity is based on the tomato. They care.
3. I don't see why we can't have a main portion of the article with related subjects surrounding it. Small box tid-bits, not full blown discussions. In fact, the small boxes should only be one person's work.
4. I don't think that curling even makes it into the decathlon at the beer Olympics.
5. Grow your own tomatoes. I never liked raw tomato until I grew my own. Home-grown fresh tomatoes are actually good raw.

Further, even if you don't like them by themselves, you can barely find an american food that doesn't include tomatoes: BBQ sauce, ketchup, all vegetable based soups, pizza/pasta sauce (therefore, all Italian-American food), salsa (therefore, all Mexican-American food), all deli sandwiches, nearly every salad, and a whole bunch of specific dishes - they're in most Mac-and-cheese recipes. If you never eat tomatoes or tomato products, you would be likely to starve in america. Show some respect.

P.S. The idea of a side article about definitions isn't a bad idea. The name "Functional Definitions" is the worst name ever suggested. No one would ever know it was a section about the several varieties of Italian meat and cheese breads.

Frank Leyland:

Forgot to use italics with Heinz. Sorry. I meant to say Not even H.J. Heinz cares about tomatoes.

I'm not saying we can't have 'tid-bit boxes" (great name by the way, did you pick that up from play time at your kindergarten class?), I'm just saying that a box discussing gazpacho is really gay. I guess when you converse with a guy named Jay McGay, you get some really bad ideas. (Editors note: For all past and future bloarticals neither of us are using the word "gay" in a way discriminating against anyones sexual persuasion. We are using it in the "South Park" manner (reference: South Park Season 7 Episode 8 http://www.southparkstudios.com/guide/episodes/s07e08-south-park-is-gay ).

Do you read what I write? I said tomatoes only taste good when mashed, thickened, and sugared (re: BBQ sauce, ketchup, all vegetable based soups, pizza/pasta sauce (therefore, all Italian-American food), salsa (therefore, all Mexican-American food)

James McClure:

I understood that when you said gay, that you didn't mean to offend anyone but me. I think that everyone else is up to speed with this fine Joey Porter type logic http://deadspin.com/#!221529/joey-porter-didnt-mean-to-offend-you-he-just-meant-to-offend-the-fag .

Frank Leyland:

Before you proceed to insult Joey Porter we might want to put this issue to rest...

James McClure:

Some video Links for the “side topics”

Rotting tomato:

I'm afraid that this is who we really are:

By far the best that I've found:

This gem is unrelated, but was found during the search for tomato vids:

Frank Leyland:

Can't get the first video, the second is exactly why we won't be doing a post about tomatoes; the third... what the fucking Fuck?!?

ps. The last one is hilarious.

James McClure:

I think the sexy tomato is perfect for the tomato article: best youtube vid. The one with the kid talking is perfectly critical of our idea.

Frank Leyland:

Wait... are you serious about the tomato article? I thought that us arguing about including a tomato article was the article.

You’re talking about pen names, and tomato growing seasons, and sending videos of a fruit and a vegetable having sex. I can't tell which way is up... this idea is totally fucked.

James McClure:

No, I agree, I thought that we wrapped up the basics, now I'm doing some tid bits. Do you have any suggestions?

Frank Leyland:

These guys rule:

Also, did you know peoples use to think tomatoes were poisonous, until one dude ate a basket full trying to kill himself and didn't die.

James McClure:

See, perfect tid bit.

Frank Leyland:

Much better than gazpacho recipes. I think this one is wrapped up with a bow. Still need a website... And a name

James McClure:

Yes and yes.